Kansas Carradine

A stomach churning potpourri of explosions, gunfire and army trucks ramming through grass and twig huts. The needle in a haystack plot seems to involve our protagonist rescuing his family from some South American drug cartel, or something. At one point Carradine yells those immortal words: "get the hell out of here" through closed lips. The villain of the piece never utters a line of dialogue, preferring instead to stalk about in a cape, squinting cannily beneath beret and drooping mustache (with hawk perched on shoulder for added effect). Avoid at all costs, unless you enjoy beating yourself repeatedly over the head with a flail.

The year is 1865, and the American Civil War has just ended. Former slave Nate Washington and his boyhood friend, Confederate Colonel Ben Loftin head west together from the South which lies in ruins. On the Western Plains, they encounter a band of Chippewa Indians who will forever change their lives. Along the way, they must deal with a renegade band of Union Cavalry with a score to settle.

Ishbo is a caveman living in the prehistoric age who thinks there's more to life than hunting and gathering. He tries to better the lives of those in his tribe by inventing things like spoons and the toothbrush, which leave everyone, including his parents, unimpressed. He also has a thing for cavewoman Fardart, but she only has eyes for his brother Thudnik. Can Ishbo prove his worth when a rival clan attacks?