Julie Turtle

Apartheid has been ordered to Green Hockers Rehab Center for excessive drinking. His habit is so bad that his life has become one continuous case of the DTs. As a matter of fact, a disembodied old man with the same initials seems to be controlling his attempt at sobriety. Forced to wear a monkey around his neck to highlight his problem, said simian comes with two bags of rocks around its legs. The longer Apartheid stays, the more rocks will be removed and the less weight he will have to be subjected. Of course, DT doesn’t help. He offers disquieting visions of smiley faced stones that punch people out, remote control apes that choke people to death, and others with equally oppressive addictions of their own. As he battles with the bottle, losing most of the time, all Apartheid wants to do is get away from this abusive clinic. Little does he know that, just like Hotel California, he can check out any time he likes, but he can never, ever, ever, leave.

Wiggly Harris is a volunteer worker at a senior citizen's home. Due to his obsession with stealing wigs, Wiggly has a warrant out for his arrest. Freaked out that his unemployment benefits have almost run out and bombarded with relationship issues(his stripper girlfriend demands that Wiggly lose his virginity to her and start meeting her sexual needs in one of the most memorable sex scenes ever filmed) Wiggly is quickly losing his grip. Further frustrated by his oddball parents (the father, a religious fanatic who feels the end of the world is coming soon, and the mother, who collects photos of food) Wiggly comes to a horrific end.