No Good for Anything

A neurotic worker ant in love with a rebellious princess rises to unlikely stardom when he switches places with a soldier. Signing up to march in a parade, he ends up under the command of a bloodthirsty general. But he's actually been enlisted to fight against a termite army.

After losing her job as a waitress, Mary Ryan is hired to work in a traveling show's chorus line by theatrical agent Leon O'Day and his partner. The agents convince a young, wealthy socialite named Seymour to finance a brand-new show. To secure the gig and the funding, they lie to Seymour and tell him that Mary is actually a Russian princess in hiding. The deception completely charms Seymour, and Mary gets her contract. Her fabricated royal status takes off when Seymour's mother invites Mary to tea, catapulting her to society stardom. However, the lie threatens to unravel when Mrs. Seymour—an avid social reformer—takes Mary and Seymour to a night court, where Mary's missing sister Rose is brought in under arrest. When Mary claims her sister, the truth is exposed, leading to a series of complications and dramatic resolutions.

This ceremony requires greenbacks but the groom came up short.

In this freewheeling dark comedy, a haunted Marine spends one crazy day with his estranged son.

Identical orphaned twins Rosalie (Mollie King) and Susan (Mollie King), are adopted by two aunts and live in separate households. Susan develops as a poor, wholesome farm girl, and Rosalie becomes a wealthy snob. Susan's beau, Ted Harper (Creighton Hale), confuses the girls' identities, but Susan wins his love after preventing Rosalie from eloping with scoundrel "Slick" Harry Ives (Jerome Lawler).

Heiress Mary Anderson feigns poverty during her romance with struggling artist Bruce Haldeman, however her status-conscious mother puts an end to the affair. Mary secretly goes to Bruce's studio, misconstrues the situation with one of his models and tells Bruce she hates him. Upset Bruce wants to destroy his portrait of Mary, but the model stops him, enters the painting in an art contest, and explains the mix-up to Mary's father. Mr. Anderson then meets with Bruce and Mary's persistent suitor Smythe Addison pretending he has lost his fortune. Smythe quickly drops out of contention for Mary's hand, but Bruce remains eager. Resolving their differences Bruce finds out during the planning of the wedding that he has won the art contest, finding overnight fame as a painter.

Upon striking oil on his farm, Silas T. Pettingill (Charles Eldridge) moves to Park Avenue at the behest of his social-climbing wife Maria (Kate Blancke) and daughter Helen (Emmy Wehlen). But like Jiggs in the comic strip, Pettingill never loses his common touch, and one evening he goes out on a toot with his new chauffeur Hubert Stanwood (Paul Gordon).

A man traveling home for Christmas gets stuck in a small town and finds romance with a woman operating the telegraph.

Figures Don't Lie is a showcase for the physical charms of lovely Esther Ralston, who in one scene proves the accuracy of the title by donning a fetching one-piece bathing suit. The main story concerns wise-guy insurance salesman Richard Arlen, who through a combination of hard work and sheer gall lands a job as sales manager. But he can't land heroine Ralston, who has remained cool to his charms ever since he tried to make a play for her on the street. A lost film.

Betty Brown is an egregious coquette and flirt. She fools a pair of lovers, and her indecision lands her in a pretty mess at a Hartford hotel, where she is cajoled into passing herself off as the wife of a man whose real wife is on her way to meet him. Betty just butts into a sea of trouble, for the man and his wife are to receive some money from the former's uncle on condition that the wife meets with his approval. The general mix-up at the hotel caused by the meeting there of all these opposing interests is the cause of a great deal of fun and confusion, the central figure of which is always Little Miss Betty Brown.

A WWII military pilot makes a valiant effort to be certified insane in order to be excused from flying missions. But there's a catch.

After arriving at his new, remote Army outpost, Capt. John Boyd and his regiment aid a wounded frontiersman who recounts a horrifying tale of a wagon train murdered by its supposed guide – a vicious U.S. Army colonel gone rogue. Fearing the worst, the regiment heads out into the wilderness to verify the gruesome claims.

Young marrieds Paul, the Viscount De Sallure, and his bride Florence are in financial straits. Florence’s inheritance is available to her only if she separates from her husband so the pair concoct a scheme to give that appearance. Problems emerage when Paul seems to be taken the ploy to heart with Mlle. Fifi but all turns out well in the end.

Two couples with mismatched mates find new romance blooming in the Bavarian countryside.

A brief altercation in a railroad car will lead to a golden opportunity, as the famous actor, Kostas Chatzis (Kostas Hatzihristos), and the cheerful countryman, Thimios, are like two peas in a pod. Will the popular actor learn his lesson?

Perpetua is a rich little orphan with a kind but absent-minded dreamer of a guardian, Thaddeus, who is very much older than herself. Perpetua wants to live in Thaddeus's house but instead is sent to her eccentric animal loving Aunt's, Miss Majerdie. Unhappy Perpetua runs away to Thaddeus’s. He endures her for a time and finally ships her back to his Aunt Majerdie's. Pursued by several suitors whose ardor cools when the rumor goes round that she is penniless. Her wealth having intimidated him before Thaddeus steps in now and declares his love for her.

An advertising man is slowly sliding downhill. When he is fired from his job in Detroit, he signs up for unemployment. One day they find him a job: teaching thinking skills to Army recruits. He arrives on base to find that there is no structure set up for the class.

A kooky waiter and sometimes vaudevillian promises to get his employer's daughter into a Broadway show. When he kidnaps the show's star, she gets her opportunity, as the understudy, to play the role and become a star herself.

Quota quickie comic short from Britain that is now lost.

Billy takes his friend Tom out for a drive in his new car. Tom asks Billy to wait while he makes a purchase. Along comes the beautiful Marian who assumes he is a public chauffeur and hires him. Billy goes along with the misunderstanding and tells Marian that she may always have his car at cut rates if she phones him at the garage. This leads to comic adventures and eventual love for the couple.