A Lasanha Assassina

Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

Pressure from his boss and a skin-cream client produces a talking boil on a British adman's neck.

Dictator Adenoid Hynkel tries to expand his empire while a poor Jewish barber tries to avoid persecution from Hynkel's regime.

Young sweethearts Billy and Kate move to the Big Apple, land jobs in a high-tech office park and soon reunite with the friendly and lovable Gizmo. But a series of accidents creates a whole new generation of Gremlins. The situation worsens when the devilish green creatures invade a top-secret laboratory and develop genetically altered powers, making them even harder to destroy!

After the insane General Jack D. Ripper initiates a nuclear strike on the Soviet Union, a war room full of politicians, generals and a Russian diplomat all frantically try to stop it.

When the nefarious Dark Helmet hatches a plan to snatch Princess Vespa and steal her planet's air, space-bum-for-hire Lone Starr and his clueless sidekick fly to the rescue. Along the way, they meet Yogurt, who puts Lone Starr wise to the power of "The Schwartz." Can he master it in time to save the day?

First-time father Henry Spencer tries to survive his industrial environment, his angry girlfriend, and the unbearable screams of his newly born mutant child.

A stern Russian woman sent to Paris on official business finds herself attracted to a man who represents everything she is supposed to detest.

Geeky teenager David and his popular twin sister, Jennifer, get sucked into the black-and-white world of a 1950s TV sitcom called "Pleasantville," and find a world where everything is peachy keen all the time. But when Jennifer's modern attitude disrupts Pleasantville's peaceful but boring routine, she literally brings color into its life.

The star of a team of teenage crime fighters falls for the alluring villainess she must bring to justice.

Brian Cohen is an average young Jewish man, but through a series of ridiculous events, he gains a reputation as the Messiah. When he's not dodging his followers or being scolded by his shrill mother, the hapless Brian has to contend with the pompous Pontius Pilate and acronym-obsessed members of a separatist movement. Rife with Monty Python's signature absurdity, the tale finds Brian's life paralleling Biblical lore, albeit with many more laughs.

A trigger-happy Nationalist fears retribution from the son of a man he executed. To mollify the boy's anger, he takes a drastic step: he keeps constant watch over the fig tree the boy has planted at his father's gravesite. As the years pass, the man's lonely vigil makes him a tourist attraction, much to the chagrin of his former colleagues.

Believe it or not, even Smalltown USA still has people who are unfulfilled and unrelieved in the midst of plenty. Levonna and Lamar could have the perfect relationship, were it not for Lamar's obsession with rear entry.

Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiyev travels to America to make a documentary. As he zigzags across the nation, Borat meets real people in real situations with hysterical consequences. His backwards behavior generates strong reactions around him exposing prejudices and hypocrisies in American culture.

Twenty-eight weeks after the spread of a deadly rage virus, the inhabitants of the British Isles have lost their battle against the onslaught, as the virus has killed everyone there. Six months later, a group of Americans dare to set foot on the Isles, convinced the danger has passed. But it soon becomes all too clear that the scourge continues to live, waiting to pounce on its next victims.

When a virus leaks from a top-secret facility, turning all resident researchers into ravenous zombies and their lab animals into mutated hounds from hell, the government sends in an elite military task force to contain the outbreak.

As the city is locked down under quarantine, Alice finds out that the people that died from the previous incident at the Umbrella Corporation have turned into zombies. She then joins a small band of elite soldiers, who are enlisted to rescue the missing daughter of the creator of the mutating T-virus. Once lack of luck and resources happen, they begin to wage an exhilarating battle to survive and escape before the Umbrella Corporation erases its experiment from the face of the earth.

An abortion clinic worker with a special heritage is called upon to save the existence of humanity from being negated by two renegade angels trying to exploit a loophole and reenter Heaven.

The advertising director of Pacific Pharmaceuticals, frustrated with the low ratings of their sponsored TV program, seeks a more sensationalist approach. He orders his staff to Faro Island to capture King Kong for exploitation. As Godzilla re-emerges, a media frenzy generates with Pacific looking to capitalize off of the ultimate battle.

A neo-nazi sentenced to community service at a church clashes with the blindly devotional priest.