Dear Cardholder

In a post-apocalyptic world, the residents of an apartment above the butcher shop receive an occasional delicacy of meat, something that is in low supply. A young man new in town falls in love with the butcher's daughter, which causes conflicts in her family, who need the young man for other business-related purposes.

After the insane General Jack D. Ripper initiates a nuclear strike on the Soviet Union, a war room full of politicians, generals and a Russian diplomat all frantically try to stop it.

A henpecked housewife ekes out a meager existence, surrounded by a host of colorful characters: her ungrateful husband, her delinquent sons, her headstrong mother-in-law, and her sex worker neighbor, among others.

To test its top-secret Human Hibernation Project, the Pentagon picks the most average Americans it can find - an Army private and a prostitute - and sends them to the year 2505 after a series of freak events. But when they arrive, they find a civilization so dumbed-down that they're the smartest people around.

When a Las Vegas performer-turned-snitch named Buddy Israel decides to turn state's evidence and testify against the mob, it seems that a whole lot of people would like to make sure he's no longer breathing.

After losing his job and realizing that he is alone in the world, a businessman opts to voluntarily end his life. Lacking courage, he hires a contract killer to do the job. Then, while awaiting his demise, he meets a woman and promptly falls in love.

Ray and Ken, two hit men, are in Bruges, Belgium, waiting for their next mission. While they are there they have time to think and discuss their previous assignment. When the mission is revealed to Ken, it is not what he expected.

Affable hit man Melvin Smiley is constantly being scammed by his cutthroat colleagues in the life-ending business. So, when he and his fellow assassins kidnap the daughter of an electronics mogul, it's naturally Melvin who takes the fall when their prime score turns sour. That's because the girl is the goddaughter of the gang's ruthless crime boss. But, even while dodging bullets, Melvin has to keep his real job secret from his unsuspecting fiancée, Pam.

Tracy Flick is running unopposed for this year’s high school student election. But Jim McAllister has a different plan. Partly to establish a more democratic election, and partly to satisfy some deep personal anger toward Tracy, Jim talks football player Paul Metzler to run for president as well.

Nick Naylor is a charismatic spin-doctor for Big Tobacco who'll fight to protect America's right to smoke -- even if it kills him -- while still remaining a role model for his 12-year old son. When he incurs the wrath of a senator bent on snuffing out cigarettes, Nick's powers of "filtering the truth" will be put to the test.

Australian outback expert protects his New York love from gangsters who've followed her down under.

Hong Kong cop Chan Ka-Kui returns, working with Interpol to track down and arrest an illegal weapons dealer. Chan later realizes that things are not as simple as they appear and soon finds himself to be a pawn of an organization posing as Russian intelligence.

Kiss My Axe

An intro class for becoming a Swede.

A woman attends the wake of a friend she knew as an infant.

A free-spirited woman "kidnaps" a yuppie for a weekend of adventure. But the fun quickly takes a dangerous turn when her ex-con husband shows up.

Ben Healy and his social climbing wife Flo adopt fun-loving seven year old Junior. But they soon discover he's a little monster as he turns a camping trip, a birthday party and even a baseball game into comic nightmares.

The sister of a famous, but as yet uncaught, criminal named "The Hexer" is murdered. Inspector Higgins of Scotland Yard believes that "The Hexer" will surface to take his revenge on his sister's killers, and plans to set a trap to finally capture him. However, soon bodies start piling up, and it looks as if "The Hexer" may get away yet again.

A middle-aged couple suspects foul play when their neighbor's wife suddenly drops dead.

In a small Minnesota town, the annual beauty pageant is being covered by a TV crew. Former winner Gladys Leeman wants to make sure her daughter follows in her footsteps; explosions, falling lights, and trailer fires prove that. As the Leemans are the richest family in town, the police are pretty relaxed about it all. Despite everything, main rival (but sweet) Amber Atkins won't give up without a fight.