Once Upon a Time

Angered by his son Dick's boastful ways, which in one incident lead him to lose a business deal, an automobile manufacturer challenges him to complete four difficult missions.

Cult director Charles Band brings you this "Last Tango in Paris" spoof with editing by acclaimed filmmaker John Carpenter.

Rooly, Pooly and Dooly were "picture sandwiches," but hardly shining lights, even in that capacity. Consequently they were "canned" by the management. A brilliant idea; one would play the wild man in the village square, a real live show of their own. Rooly and Pooly then basked in the society of fair country belles, but Dooly at length was rescued by Miss Smart, looking for excitement. She was not disappointed.

Lizzie Stokes, an obscure and colorless actress, is elevated to stardom through publicity and better coaching from Daniel Hoffman, a theatrical producer. As Olga Rostova, an exotic Russian, she meets Norman Brooke, whose infatuation turns to love. Hoffman suggests that Norman could never care for Lizzie and proves his point. Heartbroken, Lizzie decides to see no more of him. On closing night, when he proposes to her in her dressing room and she refuses, Norman declares he must believe all the lurid details of her past; in desperation, she bares her true identity, only to find it is not her glamorous image but rather her real self that he loves.

A reporter and a detective team up to solve the murder of a nightclub singer who had been involved in a divorce scandal.

Smith's chum is a very poor Baron. Smith and the Baron are invited to a ball, and the Baron, not having evening clothes of his own, "borrows" Smith's dress suit. He is having the time of his life when Smith arrives, thoroughly angry, and taking the Baron in a room takes the clothes away from him. The Baron is in a terrible predicament, dodging around from room to room, as people intrude upon his hiding places. He tries to hide his face with a handkerchief, and a lady catches a glimpse of him as he dives under a bed. She screams in terror, thinking he is a mad man, and then the poor Baron is chased all over the house. Someone telephones for the police and they assist in the capture and lead him away.

Stan and Ollie are salesmen attempting to sell a washing machine; they fail constantly after several near misses. One would-be sale has them carrying the machine up a large flight of steps, only to find out that a young lady wants them to post a letter for her. The boys later get into an argument knocking off each other's hats, which eventually involves scores of others. A police van eventually carts all those involved away except Stan and Ollie, who afterwards try to find their own headgear amongst the hundreds of others lying on the street.

Peggy Raymond, a country girl, comes to New York with plans for a career in art and is taken by mistake to a Fifth Avenue address where she meets Dick Merwin, the scion of a wealthy family, whom she mistakes for her cousin. Later, in Brooklyn, she finds that her relatives have moved, and Mabel Hines takes her in and gets her a job. By necessity, Peg is forced to demonstrate fat-reducing rollers in a shop window, where she is unfavorably viewed by Mrs. Schuyler and her husband. She is admired by Sam Billings, a wealthy old bachelor, and becomes involved with Maddox, who affects an interest in her paintings. But through a series of reversals and complications, Peg is made to realize that Dick is the worthier man.

A Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle & Mabel Normand comedy short. The film is considered lost.

A comedy short that revolves around a poker game, both above and underneath the table. This is considered to be a lost film.

After graduating from a convent school, Betty travels to New York to visit her relatives, the Hastings. She quickly catches the eye of Jim Denning, a wealthy neighbor who proposes to her, but Betty decides to experience city life before settling down and finds work as a salesclerk. When the floorwalker becomes too familiar, Betty quits and her showgirl friend Maizie Follette helps her get a job as a cabaret dancer, but Betty finds that’s a tough racket too and decides city life on the loose isn’t for her.

Tom, a young man in a small town, wants to marry his sweetheart Jane, but Jane's father won't allow it until Tom proves he can support her. Tom heads to New York City to make his fortune and prove to Jane's father that he has what it takes, but he meets and falls in love with Amy, a chorus girl who already has a wealthy suitor. Complications ensue.

To be a fond and devoted parent, and to be unable to play with the heaven of your heart is indeed a cruel decree. That was the case of Papa Binks, but he outwitted Mrs. Binks and the nurse in a very effective, yet unostentatious manner, while he and the baby had the time of their lives.

Figures Don't Lie is a showcase for the physical charms of lovely Esther Ralston, who in one scene proves the accuracy of the title by donning a fetching one-piece bathing suit. The main story concerns wise-guy insurance salesman Richard Arlen, who through a combination of hard work and sheer gall lands a job as sales manager. But he can't land heroine Ralston, who has remained cool to his charms ever since he tried to make a play for her on the street. A lost film.

Released on July 3, 1927

Upon hearing that his daughter Elizabeth, is coming from America to visit him in Paris, wealthy Willoughby Quimby, decides to give up dry martinis and women. However, Elizabeth seeks a wild time and ends up leaving France with her father's drinking buddy, Freddie, and Willoughby goes back to his dry martinis.

When a secretary overhears her boss disparaging her looks, she decides to show him how wrong he is.

Frank Perry's wife Helen is away visiting her mother, and he uses this "free time" for a night of drinking at a nightclub. Unfortunately, when he tries to return home, he enters the wrong house and is nearly arrested When Helen comes back he tells her that the "incident" was actually an initiation rite of the Masons, knowing that his wife has always wanted him to join the group. She excitedly tells her father about Frank's becoming a Mason, since her father is also a Mason. What neither she nor Frank know is that her father has actually been doing the same thing Frank is--pretending to be a Mason when he actually isn't. Complications ensue.

Ann, a 19-year-old girl who looks much younger, meets a dashing army major on a boat sailing from Liverpool to Bombay, India, and falls in love with him. Her love appears to be unrequited, though, because the major thinks she is far too young--and also, unknown to her, because he had once been in love with her mother. When a fellow passenger on the ship takes advantage of the naive girl the major comes to her rescue, but in the process the girl finds out about the past relationship between he and her mother.

The manager of a small town hotel installs a cabaret in an attempt to achieve the standard set by restaurants in the large cities. His effort is ludicrous because of the fact that his talent is all recruited from the help in the hotel. Roscoe, the cook, is forced to appear in a dress suit and when Al St. John appears from the bar there is a lively rivalry between the two for the applause of the crowd. Mabel, the waitress, vies with a professional dancer from the city. Into this setting comes William Jefferson, a polished sharper, who takes the innocent Mabel by storm.