Blonde and Blonder

Five bizarre stories with no apparent connection to one another eventually become intertwined, resulting in surreal circumstances.

Two untalented singers are mistaken for a pair of major league safe crackers in Providence, Rhode Island. The two are pressed into service by the local hoodlums and quickly find themselves in conflict with their professional colleagues. Romantic interest is added by the daughter of the underworld leader who won't date the men she knows are gangsters.

When three wealthy women hire a hit man to get rid of one of their cheating husbands, everything goes wrong.

Runyonesque crooks on the lam hide out on blind man's pastoral farm and decide to go straight.

A drug kingpin's rise and tragic fall is witnessed vicariously by a reporter who uses the criminal's diary as the basis for his new book.

Boy meets girl; boy falls in love (and had wild, non-stop sex) with girl; boy loses girl... when they discover they are brother and sister! But when he learns that he's the victim of the ultimate case of mistaken identity, the lovesick young man -- whom everyone still thinks is after some taboo thrills -- must race across the country to stop her from marrying another man.

A classical art professor and collector, who doubles as a professional assassin, is coerced out of retirement to avenge the murder of an old friend.

Two young gentlemen living in 1890s England use the same pseudonym ('Ernest') on the sly, which is fine until they both fall in love with women using that name, which leads to a comedy of mistaken identities.

Léon, the top hit man in New York, has earned a rep as an effective "cleaner". But when his next-door neighbors are wiped out by a loose-cannon DEA agent, he becomes the unwilling custodian of 12-year-old Mathilda. Before long, Mathilda's thoughts turn to revenge, and she considers following in Léon's footsteps.

Unscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookies, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers, and supposedly Jewish jewellers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond.

After getting a green card in exchange for assassinating a Cuban government official, Tony Montana stakes a claim on the drug trade in Miami. Viciously murdering anyone who stands in his way, Tony eventually becomes the biggest drug lord in the state, controlling nearly all the cocaine that comes through Miami. But increased pressure from the police, wars with Colombian drug cartels and his own drug-fueled paranoia serve to fuel the flames of his eventual downfall.

Cool government operative James Bond searches for a stolen invention that can turn the sun's heat into a destructive weapon. He soon crosses paths with the menacing Francisco Scaramanga, a hitman so skilled he has a seven-figure working fee. Bond then joins forces with the swimsuit-clad Mary Goodnight, and together they track Scaramanga to a Thai tropical isle hideout where the killer-for-hire lures the slick spy into a deadly maze for a final duel.

Lorelei Lee is a beautiful showgirl engaged to be married to the wealthy Gus Esmond, much to the disapproval of Gus' rich father, Esmond Sr., who thinks that Lorelei is just after his money. When Lorelei goes on a cruise accompanied only by her best friend, Dorothy Shaw, Esmond Sr. hires Ernie Malone, a private detective, to follow her and report any questionable behavior that would disqualify her from the marriage.

A mild-mannered professor moonlighting as a fake hit man in police stings ignites a chain reaction of trouble when he falls for a potential client.

A pair of gangsters are under the mistaken impression that three goofballs know the location of a valuable stolen necklace.

The world’s top bodyguard gets a new client, a hitman who must testify at the International Court of Justice. They must put their differences aside and work together to make it to the trial on time.

Jimmy Kelly, who can't hold on to a job because of his hot temper, finds his calling as a process server. He serves process on a gangster and exposes a criminal conspiracy while trying to stop his long-suffering girlfriend from taking a vacation with her lecherous boss.

Gary Oldman is Lynch, a strangely charming hit man in this explosively funny dark comedy in the tradition of Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. With an all-star cast including Terence Stamp, Elena Anaya, Robert Carlyle and Billy Zane, Dead Fish is a chaotic tale of criminals looking for love, money and revenge that will have you falling out of your chair laughing!

During a routine prison work detail, convict Piper is chained to Dodge, a cyberhacker, when gunfire breaks out. Apparently, the attack is related to stolen money that the Mafia is after, and some computer files that somebody wants desperately to bury. The pair, who don't exactly enjoy each other's company, escape and must work together if they are to reach Atlanta alive. Luckily, they meet a woman who may be willing to help them.

In contemporary Mannheim, Branko and Merab, two hapless hitmen, are assigned to kill a businessman for unknown reasons. Although the unsuspecting businessman offers them plenty of opportunities to kill him, the two men are prevented from carrying out their mission by the most absurd coincidences, even after taking on a new helper by the name of Carlos.