No Good for Anything

Six years ago, the space alien ALF was on his way back to his new home when the Alien Task Force finally caught up with him. Now he is being studied at a top-secret base. There he finds allies who feel that ALF's existence should be announced to the world to ensure his safety... especially when they learn that the abrasive Colonel Milfoil wants ALF destroyed.

An Israeli counterterrorism soldier with a secretly fabulous ambition to become a Manhattan hairstylist. Zohan's desire runs so deep that he'll do anything -- including faking his own death and going head-to-head with an Arab cab driver -- to make his dreams come true.

Tom Ford, Jr., keeps secret his romance with his father's secretary, Eve Grant. Ford, Sr., enlists Eve to entertain out-of-town buyer Mr. Mack. When Mack's wife insists on joining the nightclub party, Eve is introduced as Mrs. Ford. While listening to a radio broadcast from the nightclub, Mrs. Ford is alarmed by the announcement that a certain dance tune has been requested by "Mr. and Mrs. Tom Ford." Ford enlists his son to help extricate him from his difficulties with the boorish couple. Tom agrees to help if Ford, Sr., will consent to his marriage. After the party moves to the Ford home, the intoxicated Mr. Mack and his corpulent wife decide to stay the night. As they are about to retire, Mrs. Ford returns and calls the police, having seen an unfamiliar figure raiding her icebox. Tom explains the situation to everyone's satisfaction and introduces Eve as his bride.

A love-starved soldier stationed at an Arctic base wins a furlough in Paris, but a pretty, no-nonsense military psychologist is ordered to accompany him as chaperone to keep him out of trouble.

Irene and Helen are worshipers at the shrine of Frangiapani, the tenor of the hour. When he sings at a concert, they meet in Irene's room, take the printed program of the concert, and one of them plays the accompaniment of the song he is actually singing. Irene sees an advertisement for a maid and waitress at Madame Frangiapani's home. The wild thought enters her brain that if she applies and gets the position, she will be nearer her adored. She puts the plan into execution, gets the position, and is waiting for the signor to appear. He does appear in a towering rage, at an adverse criticism in a paper which he is holding in his hand. His wife tries to soothe him and treats him like a little, unreasonable, bad-tempered child.

In the college play, Tom and his room-mate, "Bunch," take prominent and successful parts, Tom as the hero and "Bunch" as the heroine, in which he is an excellent female impersonator. The day after the performance, "Bunch" makes an engagement to take a real chorus girl to dinner. Unexpectedly his mother comes to college to visit him and he makes Tom take the girl.

Walter, a songwriter who is in love with Mary, a nightclub singer, prefers to make a living by fleecing crackpot songwriters and promoting their creations. When Walter writes "At Last I'm in Love" for Mary, she promises to plug the song at the Frivolity Club, but he leaves in a huff when she flirts with Sam, a legitimate song publisher. On the street, he gives refuge to Claire, a girl accused of a theft, and hires her as his secretary. Mrs. Fioretta gives Walter a large sum to publish her song, "The Night Elmer Died," but Sam induces Mary to get Walter to stop the deal. When Walter discovers that Claire is having an affair with Sam, he returns to Mary at the club. A lost film.

When missile technology is used to enhance toy action figures, the toys soon begin to take their battle programming too seriously.

A sailor finds himself the object of a cafe owner's affections.

Living in adjoining homes at Oakdale, Hal Oilman and Alice Blanchard are childhood friends and playmates. Some years later. Hal goes to college, and while there makes a bitter enemy of Bert Peyson by exposing him as a card cheat and a thief.

Due to an unfortunate accident involving Obelix throwing a menhir, Getafix the druid not only loses his memory, but goes completely mad. Now deprived of the wisdom of their beloved druid and the protection provided by his magic potion, the Armorican village falls prey to a proclaimed soothsayer who comes with ominous predictions and overweening ambitions. It's up to Asterix to keep his villager friends within reason and hopefully get Getafix to remember the magic potion's recipe before the impending Roman attack.

After amusements working in a restaurant, a waiter uses his lunch break to go roller skating.

Two friends get involved in a scam involving selling of land plots.

Comedy of a school marm teaching a social climber some life lessons.

"'Boxcar' Simmons, a tramp, represents himself as a mining millionaire in a small town. The population accepts him at his own valuation, and two of the town's 'slickers' make desperate efforts to 'take him for his roll.' One of their schemes is to sell him a worthless ranch, but he turns the tables on them by making them believe that the ranch is a veritable bed of silver ore, and then, after they buy it, he presents the major part of the proceeds to the girl who owns the place and with whom he had fallen in love." (Moving Picture World, 24 Jun 1922, p. 736.)

Anita Gray is the spoiled daughter of a millionaire. Returning home from a party, her car breaks down and she is picked up by a stranger, who sells her his car for a diamond bracelet. The car has been stolen and the police arrest her, but she escapes and takes refuge on a freighter bound for China. She has no money and has to work her way there. Her father learns of her destination and hires Hamlin to bring her safely home.

A young woman of wealth revenges herself on a young author whose peculiar ideas about women have led him to act and speak in an insulting manner. This young man isolates himself in the mountains for the purpose of writing a story on the primitive woman, where he is discovered by his friends, to whom he vows that no woman shall cross his threshold. The mischievous young woman of the story, determined to place him at her feet, goes secretly to the home of a mountain woman with whom she lives in the guise of a wild girl of the hills. Purposely sliding over an embankment where she knows she will fall in his path, she is rewarded by having him pick her up and carry her to his cabin, where she pretends to be too much injured to be moved that day. The mountain woman is sent for and the two remain in the cabin of the author for several days. Finally she is discovered by her people, when it also comes to light that the woman-hating author has fallen to the charms of his pretty visitor.

Upon striking oil on his farm, Silas T. Pettingill (Charles Eldridge) moves to Park Avenue at the behest of his social-climbing wife Maria (Kate Blancke) and daughter Helen (Emmy Wehlen). But like Jiggs in the comic strip, Pettingill never loses his common touch, and one evening he goes out on a toot with his new chauffeur Hubert Stanwood (Paul Gordon).

Two melancholic Hong Kong policemen fall in love: one with a mysterious underworld figure, the other with a beautiful and ethereal server at a late-night restaurant.

The "Bulldozer", a former football star, is now working as a fisherman. As a group of street-people arranges a football match against the local Armybase, he is asked to be their trainer. His boat was damaged by a submarine and he currently has no work, so he agrees.