Don't Park Here

Happy O'Brien, called "The Microbe," or "Mike" for short, a female street urchin who sells newspapers dressed as a boy to avoid harassment, is saved from arrest for fighting other newsboys in Chinatown by wealthy author DeWitt Spense. DeWitt, there to purchase drugs, is so moved by Mike's pugnacity, that he takes her to his mansion for literary inspiration. When DeWitt learns that Mike is a girl, he resolves to educate her. As Mike blossoms, DeWitt's attentions turn to love, to the dismay of Judith Winthrope, who wants to marry him, and his friend Robert Breton, who, with Judith, convinces Mike that DeWitt's writing is suffering because of her.

William Lowry rescues Claudia Royce from a burning building, and upon hearing that her parents are trying to force her to accept millionaire Leland, whom she does not love, he proposes a marriage of convenience to himself. She accepts, and Bill arranges a fake ceremony; but when she falls in love with Davidge, Bill refuses her a "divorce." Later, Bill gets rich in the manufacture of a patented fireman's pole, and when he buys a house for Claudia she realizes her love for him and they are legally married.

"'Boxcar' Simmons, a tramp, represents himself as a mining millionaire in a small town. The population accepts him at his own valuation, and two of the town's 'slickers' make desperate efforts to 'take him for his roll.' One of their schemes is to sell him a worthless ranch, but he turns the tables on them by making them believe that the ranch is a veritable bed of silver ore, and then, after they buy it, he presents the major part of the proceeds to the girl who owns the place and with whom he had fallen in love." (Moving Picture World, 24 Jun 1922, p. 736.)

Upon striking oil on his farm, Silas T. Pettingill (Charles Eldridge) moves to Park Avenue at the behest of his social-climbing wife Maria (Kate Blancke) and daughter Helen (Emmy Wehlen). But like Jiggs in the comic strip, Pettingill never loses his common touch, and one evening he goes out on a toot with his new chauffeur Hubert Stanwood (Paul Gordon).

A couple of rowdy gamblers, a cowboy, and a woman undercover.

Lacking patients, Dr. Sumner sets himself up as a psychologist and opens a sanitarium, becoming quite successful. Virginia Zelva, a clairvoyant who wants to get into what she regards as a racket, signs on as his nurse. Sumner falls in love with Virginia and, after numerous complications, wins her for his bride.

Short comedy

The lovely and wealthy Gladys Barnes is pursued by many young men though she favors the persistent Earle. Her head is turned when her father tells her a foreign Count has written with the request to marry her. An amateur artist Gladys paints a portrait of the Count from a photo but the young men at the studio first tease her and then decide to play a joke on her and her father. Sending a telegram that he is arriving early they all dress as different versions of the Count and comic complications ensue until Gladys realizes her folly and returns to Earle.

Hosiah Howe struggles to earn his living on a farm that lies in the shadow of a wealthy summer resort. Visiting the resort are Dr. Rand, his daughter Virginia, and a scoundrel named Ward Andrews. One day Andrews stops at the Howe farm and discovers that the land contains water with a highly-exploitable medicinal value. Smelling money, Andrews convinces Dr. Rand to buy an option on the farm, then runs away to the city with Hosiah's innocent sister Martha.

A young husband just wants to spend a quiet evening at home with his wife, but her collection of zany friends make hash of his hopes.

When noted scientist John Vandam dies in the Orient, he leaves the guardianship of his eighteen-year-old daughter to his old friend Sandy Verrall. Sandy believes that Eliza is a little girl and so prepares for the arrival of a child. Displeased with the situation, Eliza decides to dress and act like a kid so that Sandy will tire of her and send her away.

Wealthy heiress Clover Dean has three suitors: Duke Boris, promoted by her aunt, Bucky Raine, a wealthy idler sponsored by her uncle, and struggling young doctor William Dunn, who is her own choice. Clover's engagement to the duke is to be announced at a dance, but she rebels before the gathering and refuses to go on with the marriage. Clover leaves hurriedly, a shot is heard and the duke found dead. Bucky Raine, discovered wandering about the garden with a revolver in his hand, is arrested for the crime, but his testimony convicts the doctor as the person who had possession of the gun during the shooting. The doctor and Clover are both arrested for suspicion, but a guilty conscience forces Rita, a former sweetheart of the duke to confess to the crime. Clover then has her own way and marries the doctor.

Tom Clark, the part owner of a luckless gas station in New York, returns to his place of birth for Old Home Week, posing as the millionaire president of the Amalgamated Oil Co. He is chosen as the orator for the homecoming banquet and given complete financial control over an oil well drilled in the town by Coleman and Barton, a pair of oily swindlers. Tom discovers that the well is a fake and has it connected secretly with the local reservoir. A wire from Tom's partner is intercepted, and Tom is exposed as a fraud. Coleman and Barton are about to leave town when Tom fakes a gusher and quickly sells the well back to the swindlers at a profit. The swindlers realize that they have been outsmarted, and their anger convinces the townspeople that Tom has acted in the best interests of the community. Tom is again the toast of the town, feted by its inhabitants and rewarded with the kisses of his sweetheart.

Ann, a 19-year-old girl who looks much younger, meets a dashing army major on a boat sailing from Liverpool to Bombay, India, and falls in love with him. Her love appears to be unrequited, though, because the major thinks she is far too young--and also, unknown to her, because he had once been in love with her mother. When a fellow passenger on the ship takes advantage of the naive girl the major comes to her rescue, but in the process the girl finds out about the past relationship between he and her mother.

Piecemeal, chaotic slapstick comedy revolving around honeymooners and various misunderstandings.

The old Atwell home is said to be haunted, and Jeremy Foster, the gardener--who is actually the head of a band of thieves that use the house for a hideout--does his best to keep the superstition alive. Despite the rumors, impoverished sisters Lois and Alice Atwell decide to move into the empty family home. They take possession the same night that Ted Rawson is ordered to explore the place as an initiation rite by his fraternity.

A husband is addicted to the habit of going duck-hunting occasionally. Wifey suspects that his object is chasing chickens - those that walk with two feet - and so starts in pursuit. When hubby's pals get a ducking in the water, they are forced to go to a neighboring farmhouse where the farmer's daughters dress them up in feminine clothing until their own is dried. And the young bride frowns and pouts and stirs up some trouble before she finds out that the girls have a distinct place in the plot.

Mary Sundale is a young woman who spurns her childhood sweetheart to attach herself to a large group of riotous, semi-artistic young people and becomes infatuated with a superficial poet and critic. One night this poet becomes too bold in his advances and is thrashed by the man who has been rejected. On a later night, the group holds a party in a dirigible. The ship crashes and fear grips the revelers. Mary, now disgusted with the group and all it represents, mends her manner of living and plans a future with the man who has always sincerely loved her. A lost film.

Fernande de Ferney, a young French girl, has spent her time between the convent and the country home of her uncle, where she has learned to passionately love Roger, the son of the Marquise de Monclars. He marries her for her fortune, but does not value what he has so lightly won until she profits by the lesson taught in the little marionette play written by their friend, Nizerolles, and finds that men are much like marionettes.

When a secretary overhears her boss disparaging her looks, she decides to show him how wrong he is.